Cravings

  I crave for your blood on my lips.

I crave to touch you like this:

             Slowly, painfully, softly killing you.

  I crave for your last breath

when I choke you to death

             gently kissing you.

  I crave that your soul divine

be devoured by mine

             until I become you

I crave for that look in your eyes

that tell's me it's me you despise

             while I'm loving you.

 I crave you!

Sleep better when alone

  A monster needs no friends, no lover to cuddle with.
When the light is gone so is all that's human about me.
  I sleep better when alone.
A demon burns like thousand suns
  and doesn't need someone to keep them warm
When I lay in bed
  I rather be alone
I don't want to share my covers, or be in someone's arms.
My cold sheets are all I need
 And the shadows on the wall
I sleep better when alone
 Yes, you can come home with me tonight
And you can stay a while
  But when we're done with the fun
You should run
Because I'm a monster
A nightmare
A horror
A scare
 And don't you know
I sleep better when alone

Replica

**"Nothing's what it seems to be,

I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me..."

                       
                              In the dark, a cold and empty space full of random noise.
My eardrums are braking.
                          I would say my heart is aching - for the rhyme.
     But there is no heart and no rhyme...only tears in the rain, empty tears with no meaning.
 I'm losing myself, almost nothing's left. I feel my mind falling in darkness, in a madness unknown to the world.
 I'm a replica. Nothing more. Just a whisper of a long lost unearthly brilliance, a broken porcelain doll. I lay in my dark corner hoping that someone remembers me, fixes me. My nails claw at my chest in a futile attempt to grab what's left of my soul and prevent it from slipping away.
 She's screaming - the real Me. She reaches for me and I reach back.
"Save me!" she cries. I want to tell Her I'm trying but She is my voice and all that voice can do is scream - "Save me!".
 For a long time I hoped someone would hear and I would be saved. I'm done hoping and I'm done waiting.
                                I'm a replica. But Me is still out there. I will find Her and save us.
                                                                      Save Me.

-------------------------------------------------
** This is the chorus of the song "Replica" by Sonata Arctica. The rest of the song doesn't fit in with my story(or whatever this is) but this part was just perfect.

Killing loneliness

  There is a desert right before the wall which separates the world of the living and the world of the dead. No one knows it's there because the dead don't pass trough it, they fly over really quickly, and the living can't go there. At least most of them can't. I managed to get there and I walked, and walked, and walked. In the center of it are the dwellings of Darkness.

  When I finally arrived he welcomed me, made me a cup of coffee, sat down next to me and watched me as I stared into the hot beverage trying to find the words to say what it is I came to say. I didn't find them. I didn't move for eternities. And when I was about to brake he came close to me, took me in his arms and said:

  "There was nothing you could have done." 

We sat a while in silence I drank my coffee and after that I looked up at Darkness and a lone tear escaped from my eye.
 He then took out a knife and drove it trough my chest.

The "past-midnight-snowman"

Something cheerful for a change. This is the snowman my dad and his gf made in the middle of the night for no other reason than just "because".

Shadows

I got out of my cold bed. The old wooden floor moaned under my feet while I was leaving. I stepped out into the night and took in the freezing air. I just stood there in my nightgown – the snow glittering anyway I looked. Clean, virgin snow like I hadn’t seen for a long time.

I started walking down the street, the snow crunching under my bare feet. It was snowing still. No one would find my footprints in the morning.

But the morning doesn’t matter; it will not come for me. The wind spun round me and I heard the song of the Moon. Just for a moment she showed her face from behind the clouds and the whole was drowned in silver light. After that I continued on my path and slowly walked into the Shadows.

They will find a dead body in the forest, buried in the snow, cold and blue, with icy eyes. But they won’t know that it was never mine, that it was never truly alive and they will mourn someone they never really knew. This body is but a shell and the time has come for me to leave it.

I went into the Shadows.

A hole in the ground

A light fog is dancing around my ankles. I am walking up a hill the road is muddy and slippery, the air is moist and very cold but I don't seem to feel it. My body does but my mind is drifting away, somewhere ahead, and it refuses to bother.
  Before I know it I'm standing at the entrance of a cemetery, the low black pointy fence seems to go forever on both sides. The mist is caressing the gravestones as if to say "Mine, all their souls are mine."
  There are no roads in the cemetery, only muddy soil. I start to walk and maybe I'm stepping on graves but I have no way of knowing. And I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. There is only pain, maddening pain. I can't cry anymore, i can't struggle anymore. All I cared for was tared away from me. In the end I had lost even my sanity. That is why I don't remember getting here.
  Falling deeper into my dark thoughts I reach the center of the cemetery. There is a big, round crypt and it's as if the open doors are begging me to go in. I do.
  There is a hole in the ground and a rope is hanging from the sealing down it's center. Around the edge there are symbols carved int the stone. I look down into the dark and it doesn't seem to have an end. But I can swear I can feel fires burning somewhere below.
  Then I heard the voices:
"COME DOWN TO US! WE WILL KEEP YOU SAFE, WE WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR SORROW. LITTLE SISTER, COME HOME." the demons were singing.
  I wanted to, I needed to. Escaping from this world and it's troubles was all I wanted. But before I could even grab the rope another voice blew in with the wind.
  "YOU"RE NOT DONE HERE YET.GO BACK!"
  And I did. I walked back and left behind the hole in the ground. And never again have I thought of giving up on life.
There is just one thing I'd like to know - whose voice was it that pulled me off the ledge?