(Un)happiness

 I felt frozen in the moment. The music was pouring over me. At first I thought I wished it could never end. Then...then there was nothing.
 The band was playing and they all seemed to enjoy themselves. Despite a few troubles they had they seemed like nothing could brake their spirits.
 The music sounded magical.
 I looked around.
  I saw the rest in the light, having fun. And I sank deeper into the shadows.
 It has been so long since I last felt like this. The realization that I don't and never will belong anywhere hit me so hard I found myself gasping for air. But there was no air for me.
 So I just leaned back on the wall, caressed the shadows and the bitter-sweet sensation of utter loneliness.
  The world finally made sense again.

We lost! (part 1)

  "I saw it. Last night in my dreams I saw what is to come. We've lost. There is no hope for the future, no survival for the human race. Our greed has already killed us, we just don't know it yet.
  I saw the devastation that we will bring upon ourselves and I know there is no hope. In my dream I was a part of the final stand but it was a battle that we could not win. Knowing what our future is, I want no part of it. I am leaving this world and the filth of man. For any of you out there who have managed to remain pure, I suggest you do the same. Sayonara, suckers!"

 * * *

 Simon finished reading the letter and looked again at the dead body. She was a young woman, in her mid-twenties, her life ahead of her. Yet because of some dream she had cut her life short and all that remained was the stone cold corpse. She was the fifth this month.
  In all his years as a detective Simon had never had such a bizarre case. Five different people of different age and gender who had seemingly nothing in common had committed suicide because of a similar dream they had had. They all had left letter in which they stated that the world is coming to an end and that they wanted no part of this apocalypse that they claimed to have foreseen. Simon was starting to believe that this was the work of some sect but so far the police had found no evidence that either of the victims were a part of one. What troubled Simon the most was the fact that he could see no way to solve this and whatever "it" was it seemed to spread like a disease. He had received information that a lot of people had been admitted in psychiatric hospitals after trying to kill themselves for the same reason this woman had.
  Simon knelt down next to the body to examine it. He felt a small shiver run up his spine. He was used to being around dead bodies but there was something about this one that really put him off. It was like it was emitting coldness and he felt as if her blue eyes were judging him. "I must be really tired" he thought "Because I could have sworn I just saw her eyes move".
  He called the medics to pick up the body and started towards the exit. Another shiver passed trough him and he picked up his pace. He wanted to be out of here as quickly as possible. Not knowing why he turned around to look at the girl one last time. She looked so young and frail and something about her suddenly reminded him of his daughter. Simon rushed out of the building, suddenly feeling the need to be home, fearing that his beloved Laura was in danger although he could think of no reason why that would be.
  He got to his car and turned the key. The engine let out a dreadful noise and smoke came out from under the hood. Some policeman came to help. Simon left them to deal with the car, now even more afraid - the engine had recently been changed, there was no reason for it to malfunction all of a sudden. He took one of the other cars and turned on the siren. He had to get home. Fast!
  He was driving as fast as he could, his fear getting stronger by the second. He knew Laura was in danger and he no longer thought why that was. "I have to get home" he said to him self and seconds later a bus crashed into him. As darkness enveloped him he could see his daughter's face, pale and cold, but instead of her dark brown eyes at him were staring the ice-blue eyes of the dead girl that had killed her self. She winked at him and then there was nothing.

* * *

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Okay... so this is part one of a something and it's very cliched. If anyone has any ideas on how to fix that I would really appreciate the help. And there will be more of this story but I have no idea when.

Fear of the dark

 I walk down an empty corridor in an abandoned building. I think it might have been a school.
 I look around at the moldy walls and spider webs which are forsaken by their makers. Even the spiders have refused to stay in this foul place. Walking slowly I feel panic rising from the depths of my mind but it's smothered by the power that has taken over my body. The same power that brought me here and the thing that makes me so afraid. I wan't to scream and run but I keep walking. The song "Fear of the dark" is playing in my head.
 "No, please, I don't want to see it. Please don't let me see". The words first appear in my mind, tears start to run down my face. I struggle to pool away as my feet are leading me toward an open door. Inside I see a child, deformed, dirty, black goo running down it's face from it's mouth. I know what happens next - I know what it changes too. Finally I manage to scream: "PLEASE DON"T LET ME SEE!!!"

I wake up and jump of the bed. Sweat and tears in my eyes, shaking like a leaf I make my way through the room and turn on the lamp. I go straight back in to bed afraid to look at the corners and see something lurking in the shadows. Afraid of the Dark.
 I cling to one of my plush bears and as if asking it to protect me I once again say "Please, don't let me see" and than fall asleep again.

Cravings

  I crave for your blood on my lips.

I crave to touch you like this:

             Slowly, painfully, softly killing you.

  I crave for your last breath

when I choke you to death

             gently kissing you.

  I crave that your soul divine

be devoured by mine

             until I become you

I crave for that look in your eyes

that tell's me it's me you despise

             while I'm loving you.

 I crave you!

Sleep better when alone

  A monster needs no friends, no lover to cuddle with.
When the light is gone so is all that's human about me.
  I sleep better when alone.
A demon burns like thousand suns
  and doesn't need someone to keep them warm
When I lay in bed
  I rather be alone
I don't want to share my covers, or be in someone's arms.
My cold sheets are all I need
 And the shadows on the wall
I sleep better when alone
 Yes, you can come home with me tonight
And you can stay a while
  But when we're done with the fun
You should run
Because I'm a monster
A nightmare
A horror
A scare
 And don't you know
I sleep better when alone

Replica

**"Nothing's what it seems to be,

I'm a replica, I'm a replica
Empty shell inside of me
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me..."

                       
                              In the dark, a cold and empty space full of random noise.
My eardrums are braking.
                          I would say my heart is aching - for the rhyme.
     But there is no heart and no rhyme...only tears in the rain, empty tears with no meaning.
 I'm losing myself, almost nothing's left. I feel my mind falling in darkness, in a madness unknown to the world.
 I'm a replica. Nothing more. Just a whisper of a long lost unearthly brilliance, a broken porcelain doll. I lay in my dark corner hoping that someone remembers me, fixes me. My nails claw at my chest in a futile attempt to grab what's left of my soul and prevent it from slipping away.
 She's screaming - the real Me. She reaches for me and I reach back.
"Save me!" she cries. I want to tell Her I'm trying but She is my voice and all that voice can do is scream - "Save me!".
 For a long time I hoped someone would hear and I would be saved. I'm done hoping and I'm done waiting.
                                I'm a replica. But Me is still out there. I will find Her and save us.
                                                                      Save Me.

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** This is the chorus of the song "Replica" by Sonata Arctica. The rest of the song doesn't fit in with my story(or whatever this is) but this part was just perfect.

Killing loneliness

  There is a desert right before the wall which separates the world of the living and the world of the dead. No one knows it's there because the dead don't pass trough it, they fly over really quickly, and the living can't go there. At least most of them can't. I managed to get there and I walked, and walked, and walked. In the center of it are the dwellings of Darkness.

  When I finally arrived he welcomed me, made me a cup of coffee, sat down next to me and watched me as I stared into the hot beverage trying to find the words to say what it is I came to say. I didn't find them. I didn't move for eternities. And when I was about to brake he came close to me, took me in his arms and said:

  "There was nothing you could have done." 

We sat a while in silence I drank my coffee and after that I looked up at Darkness and a lone tear escaped from my eye.
 He then took out a knife and drove it trough my chest.

The "past-midnight-snowman"

Something cheerful for a change. This is the snowman my dad and his gf made in the middle of the night for no other reason than just "because".

Shadows

I got out of my cold bed. The old wooden floor moaned under my feet while I was leaving. I stepped out into the night and took in the freezing air. I just stood there in my nightgown – the snow glittering anyway I looked. Clean, virgin snow like I hadn’t seen for a long time.

I started walking down the street, the snow crunching under my bare feet. It was snowing still. No one would find my footprints in the morning.

But the morning doesn’t matter; it will not come for me. The wind spun round me and I heard the song of the Moon. Just for a moment she showed her face from behind the clouds and the whole was drowned in silver light. After that I continued on my path and slowly walked into the Shadows.

They will find a dead body in the forest, buried in the snow, cold and blue, with icy eyes. But they won’t know that it was never mine, that it was never truly alive and they will mourn someone they never really knew. This body is but a shell and the time has come for me to leave it.

I went into the Shadows.